Author: twoshadesoff

When I was a kid I’d spend summers at my grandads. My cousin/uncle/brother (yes it’s the same person, I’m redneck) I buried allot of his gi joes action figures in the ground. Decades later he was still finding them when he was doing yard work. Ya, I was an ass back then. Probably now too.

My saxophone was a chick magnet for girls. I was that good. Of course being hot helped too. But Once, in the locker room a bunch of guys tried to jump me. I always carried my sax with me. They came at me… i used the sax and its case to break a dudes nose.…

I must have been around 7 years old. My dad got a gocart for me. Gas powered. He put me in it… I hit the peddle to the metal and immediately ran into a tree. He never let me try again lol.

Why are my but cheeks sore? I only sit on soft shit. Makes as much sense as a Family Guy cutaway. Speaking of…. It’s time to watch Family Guy.

Once in high school I had a history teacher. He was known for his temper. He’d throw crap at students all the time. I can’t remember what I did to piss him off. It was probably nothing but talking or something. He threw a chair at my head… u just dipped my head to the…

You’re the only one that has ever cheated on me. I used to keep your picture on the dashboard of my car. You know who you are.

You have really hot women… except for their beards. Mountain women, I’ll buy you some clippers and razors.

If the evil witch died from water.. why didn’t Dorthy just spit on her and call it a day?

I love and hate you at the same time. I was never anything but good to you, and you knew I fell in love hard for you. You only took advantage of my generosity. You knew how I felt. Then you married someone else then ghosted me. I feel used. I would have married you.

The US has abandoned being a democracy and has turned into a police state. We’re just like Russia and China now. Oh and like the Nazis.