Author: twoshadesoff

It’s cold and rainy. That’s all.

For those of yall who don’t know, they’re a type of bee. Much more aggressive than most bees. They make their house in a hole in the ground. Once when I was a kid I was visiting my grandad. He also lived out in the country and that basically means “pee where ever you want”.…

I was at a bar one night. I was talking to the girl next to me. She was pretty and so far I though she was cool. Then I reversed my decision lol. Told her how whenever I walk into a room anywhere that cause I’m missing an eye and wear an eyepatch the whole…

Went to California when I was 21. Back then, and who knows how much farther back they made the law that you can’t smoke within 20 feet of any public door. When I “lived” there a few years back I started to light my pipe, well away from any door and two cops yelled “are…

I have idiopathic hypersomnia. It’s basically Narcolepsy only I don’t hit REM cycles when I fall asleep during the day. People think that narcolepsy means that you fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Those people should do more research. I’m sleepy all day every day. I have to keep moving around or I…

Recently made it so you can change Siri’s accent. I changed it to an Australian women’s accent. That’s my favorite accent in the world.

I lost my virginity when I was 12. She was 14. She wasn’t a virgin and I knew it. I lied and told her I wasn’t a virgin either. I lost mine in a barn on a bale of hay. Out in the country. I’m talking back when Zebulon was nothing but dirt roads. One…

scares the shit out of my dog. Got tornadoes nearby and the thunder and lightning is scaring the fuck out of her. If one hits us maybe I’ll be transported to oz and meet the wizard.

She hurt me to the bone. I told her I love her like a daughter. She said “funny, you’ve never been a father figure.” I’ve never been an “upfront godfather”. I’ve always worked “behind the scenes”. Her mom wanted to make her wait until 18 before she could date… I thought that was ridiculous… I…

I’ve had a few girlfriends I’ve lived with, and some “casual” girls who have went to sleep on the couch. It was because when I fall asleep I turn into a furnace and the bed was too hot for them lol.