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I liked you ALLOT. I’m sorry for the way I broke up with you. I even kept your picture in my personal keepsake box for many years. I’m mad at myself for not giving it more of a chance. I hope you’re happy today. If not, call me. Keith Duvall

I’m so sorry for what i put you through. You were always so good to me… and I’ll always love you. You were even good to me when I was at my worst. I know there’s nothing I can do to make it up to you… but I sincerely apologize to you for the trauma…

I was in high school. She was in a different one. She was beautiful as hell. We were together briefly. She was offering sex, but when we were going to get together she said “I’m on my period”. I told her “we can do it another time”. I really liked her. What I should have…

Ain’t got anything entertaining to say tonight. I’ll try again tomorrow.

One came up on my porch and stared at me. I stared back. It thought it was “fierce”. Came at me. So I popped it in the ass with my BB gun. It ran away like demons from hell were chasing it. 0% of that was true.

She doesn’t get enough credit. We used to live next to each other in an apartment complex. I’d be walking my dog — his name was hades — and I’d see through her window that she wasn’t eating. She couldn’t afford enough food for my first two godchildren and her so she’d go hungry. She…

I was around 18 years old. Cocky as hell. She was an ex working at the same place. I was bragging about my “silver tongue”. I told her I could make her cry in one sentence. She didn’t believe me so she said “go for it”. For the record, I ain’t proud of this. I…

I played the saxophone all through middle and high school. Allot of kids would leave their instruments in the band room. I always carried my sax with me from home to school and back home. Never left it in the band storage area like allot did. Glad I didn’t. My band director “Mr. Broughton”… pretty…

We just elected a president who was impeached before. For you who don’t know, being impeached is like being charged for a crime and you’re only kicked out of office if you’re convicted. New York convicted him on their own charges but he’s appealing. DC … somehow he escaped those charges. There are still charges…

The reason people don’t accept your requests to send us notifications is because you barely send us notifications we care about but instead spam us with marketing shit. Knock it off or I’ll egg your house. Sincerely, Mr. Go To Hell