Author: twoshadesoff

After one of my best friends bachelor party I was driving us home. I was his best man. What once was a friend until he hit on my friends soon to be wife. the streets had no cars.middle of the night. He was passed out in my back seat. I ran it up to 90mph…

You see someone smiling or laughing. Don’t assume they’re happy. They may be pretending, while we’re dying inside. We get good at that.

He sucks. Now that I’ve posted this I’ll have the National Guard breaking down my door.

I’m in a bad mood. That’s all.

you were like a siren from Homer’s Odyssey first time I laid eyes on you…. It took me forever to get a date. You’ll forever be burned into my brain and heart. This applies to two of my biggest loves.

I love how our president (he who shall not be named) keeps sending troops to silence us. I guess he thinks if we exercise our 1st amendment right to free speech we deserve to be shot.

I still hate underwear. That’s all.

Maybe more than once I’ve done something that’d have gotten me life in prison. Didn’t hurt anyone or anything but it’d be a life sentence.

I’m forever grateful to you. I couldn’t figure out that song I loved so much. You told me it was teardrop by massive attack. Then every time I was at the club I’d give you a nod and you’d play it for me. Pretty sure it was cause you wanted in my pants but that’s…

Two of them came to arrest me for an outstanding warrant. I had to get dressed (I was bucked naked) and get stuff like my wallet phone and shit. before jail. Told them “give me a minute”. One of them asked “are we going to have any problems with you?” I told them “anyone who’s…