Author: twoshadesoff

I had to go through someone’s backyard to get to a pole to fix an area issue. I knocked on their door. They answered and I asked permission to go through their backyard so I could get to the pole, they said no. There is a thing called right of passage. Utility companies are allowed…

If my socks had a hole in them I’d wait until no one was looking then take off my shoe and sock and I’d use my stapler to close the hole. Redneck engineering ftw. That’s all.

Bees/wasps, etc. Don’t worry about them. They don’t wanna fuck with you unless you fuck with them or their hive. I can’t count how many swarms I’ve simply walked through. They left me alone cause they knew I was just passing through. I’ve let all kinds of stinging things hang out on my hand. Never…

I was working the graveyard shift. A girl I had a huge crush on… she went by Betho. She had a bf tho so I never pursued it. But one night she showed up around 2am. I mentioned I wanted a tongue ring. She said she could do it for me. I said OK. She…

Of dancing with my goddaughter..I was horrible.. she was good. Ain’t a thought that will ever go away.

Once when I was a kid I slept through a tornado that was maybe two football fields away

Once when I lived in Hawaii… I was too drunk to walk back home. I found a truck that was unlocked. I sat in the passenger seat. Dude came in to the driver side and almost pissed his pants. I said “can you drive me home it’s only 2 miles. He said no problem… you…

I complement women on how they’re pretty, how their eyes, or their dress, or their shoes. Allot think I’m hitting on them. I’m just giving them a compliment. Whether or not they think I’m hitting on them or or not, I know they’ll go home feeling better and that’s my goal. Well, sometimes I am…

She lived in Little 5 Points, Atlanta. I got to her place … there was huge rain the night before. It flooded high enough to flood up to roughly 1/3 of her car. Wasn’t drivable. I got all the water out and detailed it, and fixed anything the water ruined. Miss you Hila Oren.

When I was a kid I’d spend summers at my grandads. My cousin/uncle/brother (yes it’s the same person, I’m redneck) I buried allot of his gi joes action figures in the ground. Decades later he was still finding them when he was doing yard work. Ya, I was an ass back then. Probably now too.