Author: twoshadesoff

What does it say if I can’t remember what I had for lunch? It says I skipped lunch idiot.

They ask why I’m so quiet. People also ask why I never talk about myself or my past. There’s two different answers for two different questions. I’m so quiet is because I’ve been told “shut up you talk too much” ever since I learned to talk. The other one…most of me and my past is…

I’m thinking of something that no one cares about. So that’s all you get.

I’m an expert at pretending. Every day I put a smile on while there are tears inside. I can smile, joke, and all that shit while I’m dying inside. Asking me if I’m sad is a pointless question. The real question is “how sad are you today?”. Even if you asked that, I’d smile and…

Most people don’t realize how important it is to us. It’s what causes the tides. The tides are important for many fish and fish like critters … it allows them to eat, and other fish like critters eat them. Ecosystem and all. Without the Moon we’d go extinct. I’d go into more detail but I’m…

She said “you don’t know what it’s like to have to wake up at 4:30 to go,to work. I do, lineman and all. She gets up, feeds the dog, showers, puts on her clothes, does her hair and makeup, goes out and spends time getting coffee before she goes into the office, and gets off…

A big pit bull came up to me growling. I just stepped closer to it, puffed out my chest, growled back, then stepped closer and growled again. It got scared and ran away with its tail between its legs. I scared the fuck out of it. In my head I was thinking “that’s right bitch……

The hottest flight attendant gave me her number. I wish I’d have called her. A hot as hell girl… I was fixing her cable and when I was done I asked her if she needed anything else. She gave me her number. I wish I had called. I could go on and on about those…

I had to go through someone’s backyard to get to a pole to fix an area issue. I knocked on their door. They answered and I asked permission to go through their backyard so I could get to the pole, they said no. There is a thing called right of passage. Utility companies are allowed…

If my socks had a hole in them I’d wait until no one was looking then take off my shoe and sock and I’d use my stapler to close the hole. Redneck engineering ftw. That’s all.